Monday, April 27, 2009


i feel completely wonderful. there has been a change in the weather and i couldn't be happier. i've been canoeing, bbq'd, played basketball, sat on a roof, and went on a bike ride all this weekend. michigan is so bipolar. i always hate living here until the weather breaks and i'm reminded that i don't have it so bad. but, i want warmth always -- i need to finish school and head on out of the fishbowl.

but, for now, i feel completely wonderful. i finished school until the summer semester, i didn't pretty well in my classes and i leave for new jersey friday morning. so insane that i used to spend so much of my time in new jersey and now it's been exactly a year since i've been on the east coast. i'm excited to see so many people. :)

i desperately want to see:


they make my heart smile. :)

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I've had such a wonderful weekend accompanied by warm weather.

:) Thank you weekend.
Remember, remember. This is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted.
-- Sylvia Plath.

i love the windows down.

Someday when we’re old and worn
Like two softened shoes
I will wonder on how I was born
The night I first ran away from you

Now my feet turn the corner back home
Sun turns the evening to rose
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved.
'you're really hard to come by.'

Thursday, April 16, 2009

i'm such a cheese ball.

i should be doing some of the massive pile of homework i have. but, i'm not. i start soon. after this maybe.

anyway, i found this blog ( 1,001 things i want in a lover. thought i'd post a few because, why not. :)

#444. someone who will wrestle with me.
#443. someone to kiss me while we're waiting for the light to turn green.
#430. someone who stays the night, even if they have to work early.
#427. someone who will make me the exception to all their rules.
#425. someone who teaches me something new everyday.
#408. someone with a refreshing and brilliant philosophy to life.
#401. someone who would ride their bike with me everywhere, even if we have cars.
#397. someone who already knows my order for takeout.
#388. someone who will kill the spiders for me.
#378. someone who trusts me beyond reason.
#369. someone with great wit.
#346. someone who will wake up ten minutes earlier just to make breakfast.
#336. someone who will call exactly when they say they're going to.
#320. someone who will write me a love letter and send it through the mail.
#286. someone who will find me under the bed sheets.
#267. someone understands the urgency of late night snack cravings and will drive me to the convenience store when they strike.
#262. someone who will run their fingers down my spine when i am laying on my stomach.
#253. someone who won't look at me like i'm stupid when i'm just being drunk and silly.
#241. someone who will show up at my doorstep with a bundle of balloons.
#214. someone who can stimulate me mentally.
#188. someone who likes to take long drives with me.

mm gimme :) okay, i suppose i'll go embark on some homework.


Why do let me stay here?
All by myself
Why don't you come and play here?
I'm just sitting on the shelf

Why don't you sit right down and stay awhile?
We like the same things and I like your style
Its not a secret; why do you keep it?
I'm just sitting on the shelf

I got to get your presence
Let's make it known
I think you're just so pleasant
I would like you for my own

Why don't you sit right down and make me smile? (uh huh)
You make me feel like I am just a child
Why do you end it?
Just give me credit
I'm just sitting on the shelf.

dear you,

i want to believe you, i do.

with every fucking fiber in my body, with what’s left of this beating heart that pumps the blood into my veins that make me breath each breathe everyday.

but i don’t. i don’t have the strength to. there is no more willpower left in this being to go forth on empty promises and so-called new found revelations. i’m hellbent on sticking to what i know personally and what i’ve experienced.

but this is my unsent, silent plea.
just for once, surprise me. by not letting me down.
that is honestly all i ask from you at this point in time.

had to.

When people ask how you two met, do you tell them that it was through [betraying] me?

It makes me wonder what type of story you made up for your own eyes to believe.


“You stand very still, like you were in the arms of everyone you ever wanted."
The National

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

:) clarity.

the way i have been feeling lately, is almost refreshing. after seeing josh last, and everything that happened between us -- i don't feel anything anymore. it took everything that happened the last time i saw him for me to really realize who he truly is, and not that rose colored version i've had in my head. now, if i hear anything about him, it doesn't hurt anymore. i don't get that slight stab inside. it's unlike any feeling i have ever had. it's completely freeing.
i used to sit and read lyrics/quotes/whatever relating to broken hearts, excerpts of things i totally felt i could relate to mine and joshes situation. when i come across them now, i feel as though i can't relate to them at all. i can't even humor myself or feel sad for myself over what didn't work out between us. ultimately, it is because i am not in the least bit upset that it didn't. in fact, i couldn't be more thankful. my relationship with him was nothing more than an eye-opening learning experience, it hurt real bad for awhile -- but those things have a tendency to do that. i'm living for myself, and i have no one holding me back or making me feel bad about myself.
i can feel myself growing up, and understanding more things about myself each day. figuring out what i'm good at, passionate about, and most importantly -- what i deserve.

it's even nice to be able to write about it and not have to hide how i feel, because i'm no longer ashamed by my sadness for such an awful person. i'm not sure if i have worded this right to really express this weightlessness i have been feeling, how it came about, or how i used to feel about everything but, who cares; i am free. i feel really great about my life and those i chose to surround myself with. i know eventually i will fall in love again and it will be so completely exhilarating and everything it took to get there will be surprisingly worth it.

but, until then -- i'm just going to continue to live my life for me, and enjoy it to the fullest extent. let's be honest, life is ridiculously too short.

my advice to anyone who is/has/was suffering from a devastated heart: it will not hurt forever, i promise.


there is a light as the end of every tunnel.

Monday, April 13, 2009

i want the ocean right now.


so, lets see. before next wednesday (4/22) i need to complete the following:
- 3d model of a sustainable 'green' trailor.
- packet including the following: floor plan/elevations/finishes/specs/furniture plan/lighting schedule/ceiling plan for the 3d model.
- read three chapters for a material/design final.
- study the two previous tests for my sustainable design class for the final exam.
- finish/render a one point perspective of a hotel lobby.
- render a previous one point perspective.
- finish the sketchbook requirements.
- finish final CAD project.
- do four PDA's for IDE120 (four 250 word paragraphs on crate&barrell, pier1, DIA, ikea).

kill me now okay? sanks. just stressed myself out even more just typing it all out there. i also work and have a training meeting for another job i'm getting. and i have to take summer class.

wah wah wah.

breattheeee. breatttheeeee. i'm done complaining.

i desperately want the overwhelmingly at peace feeling these images give when you see them for yourself (in person) -- the instant thankfulness for your life, solely because you're there, seeing that.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

oh, kurt halsey.

"your words, are comfortable little homes that I like to visit, and my heart is a house where you can live forever."
"You're my favourite everything. You're my favourite boat, you're my favourite theory for the origin of the universe."

seventy times seven.

I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would and now I know I wanna kill you like only a best friend could, everyone's caught onto everything you do.

Don't apologize, I hope you choke and die. Say you need to pray if you wanna go to heaven, never tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell.

Is that what you call a getaway? Tell me what you got away with, cause I've seen more spine in a jellyfish, I've seen more guts in 11 year old kids. Have another drink and drive yourself home, I hope there's ice on all the roads and you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt and again when your head goes through the windshield. Is that what you call tact? Cause you're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back, so let's end this call and end this conversation. Is that what you call a getaway? Tell me what you got away with, cause you left the frays from the ties you severed when you say best friends means friends forever.
I make no apologies for how I choose to repair what you broke.

Monday, April 6, 2009

i was completely unaware that ben gibbard and zooey deschanel were engaged. what a lucky woman. i mean, he's not the sexiest man i've ever laid my eyes upon, but he is absolutely brilliant. she's beautiful though, so, i suppose they both brought something to the table.

fucked up world.

- A woman was raped at gunpoint, called the cops, and had her report dismissed and she was arrested for filing a "false report." She also served jail time. The man raped another woman a few weeks later... only to be caught, and then admitted to raping the previous woman. Yeah, they released her. But hey, if they would have believed her in the first place, he would have been caught.


- A man posts a video on Youtube of his taunting a cat and then having his dog attack the cat and kill it. The entire time, he's laughing and encouraging the dog. All of this man's info is now on the internet, and he will most likely be caught. Sadly, the dog will probably be put down as well, even though it's not really the one at fault.
(careful, it's on autoplay on the youtube page)

- A man follows a student home, attacks, her, rapes her, tortures her for 19 hours, and then sets her on fire. In the duration of the torture, he poured scalding water on her, sodomized and sexually assaulted her numerous times, and told her to cut her eyes out so that she couldn't turn him in if she lived. She attacked him with the knife and missed, so he cut her eyelids, tied her to a futon, and set her on fire. He ran off. She used to fire to burn through her ropes and escaped.

i want these so badly.

i wish i knew how to go about getting my hands on them.

i am kloot.

Hey, could you stand another drink
I'm better when I don't think
It seems to get me through
Say, d'you wanna spin another line
Like we had a good time
Not that I need proof

Swell, we're living in a hotel
And someones ringing my bell
In a room without a view
Hey, heard you read another book
Should I take another look
Who am I
Without you




Friday, April 3, 2009

"The only way you can write the truth is to assume that what you set down will never be read. Not by any other person, and not even by yourself at some later date. Otherwise you begin excusing yourself. You must see the writing as emerging like a long scroll of ink from the index finger of your right hand; you must see your left hand erasing it.”
-Margaret Atwood

Thursday, April 2, 2009


Happy Birthday Katy! :)

i love you an unbelievable amount.