Sunday, March 29, 2009

i believe in the power of sundays.

songs to make you feel better.

because who doesn't need some, sometimes.

even better.

my dream boat, hayden christensen.

especially in factory girl.

breaks my heart alittle bit, haha.

ridiculously good looking.

gimmmme. gaspard ulliel.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Thursday, March 26, 2009

So she had to satisfy herself with the idea of love — loving the loving of things whose existence she didn’t care at all about. Love itself became the object of her love. She loved herself in love, she loved loving love, as love loves loving, and was able, in that way, to reconcile herself with a world that fell so short of what she would have hoped for. It was not the world that was the great and saving lie, but her willingness to make it beautiful and fair, to live a once-removed life, in a world once-removed from the one in which everyone else seemed to exist.
Everything is Illuminated, Jonathan Safran Foer

Monday, March 23, 2009


hii if we're friends on myspace -- please delete:

and add:

thank you!

i changed my password one day and forgot to remember it for later. go figure.

cheater, cheat her.


yeah, i'm the idiot. hahaha

Sunday, March 22, 2009

There's a moment. There's always a moment, I can do this or I cant. I don't know when your moment was but, I bet you there was one.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

I think I may of come to a conclusion about love. When you start needing someone, they stop loving you. Everyone I’ve ever loved didnt need me. And everyone that ended up needing me I didnt love. Maybe needing someone is the worst possible mistake we can make.. Maybe we’re all so fucked up and stressed out and tired that when we feel like someone else is depending on us for love, or happiness our hearts begin to shut down. Maybe we fear we arent capable of that responsibility. Maybe our hearts want us to love things that dont need us. Because then, its a choice. I am with this person because I want to be, because they make me happy and I them. Not because I feel emotionally responsible for them. Do you need someone because your in love with them?? Or are you in love with them because you need them? Or is it neither…

Alice: Is it because she’s successful?
Dan: No. It’s because… she doesn’t need me

to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you’ve held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.
the thing is - ellen bass

Friday, March 20, 2009

if you were coming in the fall.

If you were coming in the Fall,
I'd brush the Summer by
With half a smile, and half a spurn,
As Housewives do, a Fly.

If I could see you in a year,
I'd wind the months in balls --
And put them each in separate Drawers,
For fear the numbers fuse --

If only Centuries, delayed,
I'd count them on my Hand,
Subtracting, till my fingers dropped
Into Van Dieman's Land.

If certain, when this life was out --
That yours and mine, should be
I'd toss it yonder, like a Rind,
And take Eternity --

But, now, uncertain of the length
Of this, that is between,
It goads me, like the Goblin Bee --
That will not state -- its sting.
-Emily Dickinson
“And that’s the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too.”
The Kite Runner

Thursday, March 19, 2009

If we did something wrong we made sure to say excuse me. (Excuse me for looking at you, excuse me for sitting here, excuse me for coming back) If we did something terribly wrong, we immediately said we were sorry. (I’m sorry I touched your arm, I didn’t mean to, it was an accident, I didn’t see it resting there so quietly, so beautifully, so perfectly, so irresistibly, on the edge of the desk, I lost my balance and brushed against it by mistake, I was standing too close, I wasn’t watching where I was going, somebody pushed me from behind, I never wanted to touch you, I have always wanted to touch you, I will never touch you again, I promise, I swear…)
-- Julie Otsuka, When The Emperor Was Divine.

I wanted a man who’d experienced pain at one point in his life. I needed someone who wouldn’t be reckless with my heart, who knew what it felt like to hurt. I wanted a man, not a boy. I didn’t want a man afraid of loss but one who wanted me out of joy, out of preference. And I needed to live that way myself, to find someone I truly wanted, not just someone who wanted me.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

You are defined by the way in which you treat the people you love. And, the people you hate.

one a cheater, always a cheater baby.

you're an idiot to think it wouldn't happen to you. an even bigger one if you believe that bullshit he feeds you about how it went down.

sucks right?

Sunday, March 15, 2009

But who can say what’s best? That’s why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. My experience tells me that we get no more than two or three such chances in a life time, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives.
— Haruki Murakami (Norwegian Wood)
There is no mistake so painful that love cannot forgive, no past so bitter that love cannot accept, and no love so little that we cannot start all over with.
— Albert Einstein

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

weeeeendoes. -- prof. shyu

ohh things that are coming up. i'm terrified.
excited maybe, crawling into the lions den.

things i learned today while in sustainable design class:
- a conventional water closet takes about 1.6 gallons per flush (GPF).
- a urinal takes 1.0 GPF.
- they do, however, offer waterless urinals. the maintenance is expensive but, think of all the saved water!
- conventional shower takes around 2.5 gallons per minute (GPM).

learn something new everyday.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

This next song is about when you get your heart broken, and you try your best to glue it back together and you wake up one morning and you’re so happy because you realize, ‘Oh my God, the tape’s holding’
— Sara Quin

Friday, March 6, 2009

isn't this fun?

it is such a BEAUTIFUL day outside. i want to do so many things. adventure or something. it's amazing to me how much the weather can effect your mood and motivate you.

enough blogging, i must shower and find something to do.

keep it classy san diego.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


I eat with these crooked teeth
Tomato soup and grilled cheese
But you already know that because you used to dine with me
Do you remember?

I listen to my same old cds
New Order & Morrissey
But you already know that because you used to ride with me

I thought I'd be singing a different tune by now
But the song about you keeps coming out

I sleep in these dirty sheets
A blanket between my bony knees
But you already know that because you used to crawl in bed with me the morning before work

Put your hands on my back
Kiss the back of my neck

I thought I'd be singing a different tune by now
But the song about you keeps coming out
I’d hoped to be singing to someone new by now
But the songs about you.
so. no associates degree, i'm a retard annnd four year colleges don't offer associates degree. which! i think is so fucking stupid because why can't it be like a half way mark? like hey! heres something to show for all of your hardwork. noopee. damnit.

i wish i knew what to do with my life :/

Monday, March 2, 2009

stressed, always.

i teeter totter between being stressed about where i'm living next year, my friends, school, my appearance, boys, and work. goddamn. i found out today that there is a good chance i can get my associates degree! i'm going to see my academic adviser tomorrow to figure it out. i am currently like 64 credits deep into school, so, if associates is in fact within my reach -- school during the spring/summer and then i'll move out of state. (crosses fingers) i have to stop talking about shit and start actually doing it. scary.