Sunday, May 24, 2009

Lisa Hannigan.

I don't know what you smoke or what countries you've been to. If you speak any other languages other than your own but, I'd like to meet you. I don't know if you drive, if you love the ground beneath you. I don't know if you write letters or panic on the phone. Still, I'd like to call you all the same. If you want to, I am game.

I don't know if you can swim or if the sea has any draw for you. If you're better in the morning or when the sun goes down. I'd like to talk to you. I don't know if you can dance, if the thought ever occurred to you. If you eat what you've been given or push it round your plate. Still, I'd like to cook for you all the same. I would want to, I am game.

If you walk my way and I could keep my head we could creep away in the dark or maybe not, we could shoot it down anyway.

I don't know if you read novels or the magazines. If you love the hand that feeds you. I assume that your heart's been bruised. I know I'd like to know you.

You don't know if I can draw at all or what records I am into. If I sleep like a spoon, or rarely at all, or maybe you would do? Maybe you would do.

If I walk your way I will keep my head we will feel our way through the dark. Though I don't know you, I think that I would do. I don't fall easy at all.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Baby, you're adorable. Handle me with care.


I like you a lot. Frankly, I'm attracted to you.
I think you are hot, even in the snow.
Everyone's a square, but you've got rounded corners, baby.
I think you're aware, metaphors are weird.

You're the Ren to my Stimpy, the olive in my glass.
When you're gone, I'm like a car that's just run out of gas.
Even wearing your retainer, or when your hair's a mess,
even when your nose is running, I think you're the best.

You're the one I want to organize my shelves.
First we'll sort the books by author, then content as well.
Then we can make out, or maybe drink a beer.
I like you the best of all, my software engineer.

You're the Ren to my Stimpy, the olive in my glass.
When you're gone, I'm like a car that's just run out of gas.
Even wearing your retainer, or when your hair's a mess,
even when your nose is running, I think you're the best.

lucy - luff song

they're gunna eat me alive.

Currently, I am working two jobs and taking a spring studio class that goes four days a week for 3 hours at a time. Goddamn. This is so unlike myself. I haven't been to The Elbow Room in far too long (I'm gunna say it's been like a week and half haha). And, well, that's probably a good thing.

I feel really good lately. Michigan is so completely bipolar but, it's quite enjoyable in the summer. I mean, it's no beach town next to an ocean -- we've got great lakes though? I desperately want to go camping and canoing this summer. I've given up on Bonaroo (again) and it breaks my heart kind of. In all honesty though -- no way can I afford to go. But! I'd like to plan a road trip down to Florida to visit Sayble. The type of road trip where the destination isn't the goal, the trip down there is (although Sayble is a pretty fantastic goal to have). I want to be driving down south and come across a sign that reads "AMERICA's LARGEST (insert something random)" and stop to check it out. I'd also like to visit random friends along the way too, see what their local bar is all about.

Kaylyn and I are going to go backpacking across Europe next summer. We're planning on buying our tickets this July just to secure our spot. We want to fly into Amsterdam (get high as hell when we get there) then hit up Germany, France, Ireland, Spain, Italy, and then fly out of Amsterdam. There needs to be an insane amount of planning but, I know we will do it -- and it will be life changing. Makes me excited/nervous just writing about it.

The more interior design classes I take, the more excited for my future I become. Yes, it is a shit ton of work but, it's going to be worth it. It still weirds me out (almost) to be doing something I can be passionate about. I also think I'm going to start taking 15 credit hours each semester so I can graduate sooner than later, and, with a marketing minor. I really really don't want to buckle down. As much as I absolutely LOVE to lay around, not work, not have any homework, not do too much of anything -- I have to start doing more. I got to eventually get the fuck out of this state.

My love life is on a constant roller coaster. Maybe not a roller coaster, maybe like a fishing boat on a stormy day. Perhaps fly fishing? Maybe just an experience. Whatever it is, it's not so bad. I hold out the hope that I'm going to find something really fucking great, extraordinarily-wonderful, better than anything that's ever happened in my life, all encompassing, tremendous love. I really think deep down everyone wants that sort of love (I mean, how could you honestly not?). And, because I believe that everyone wants that for themselves, it'll happen. I've got enough battle wounds for two, I deserve a real love. :) I love love -- it makes my heart smile.

That's it I guess. I never write too much about myself or what's happening within my little world. There it is.


found it.

I forget the world exists when you’re around
The cure to my misanthropic ideals
Thoughts of you linger and multiply in my head
Like surround sound,
With you beside me, my heart starts and heals

The voice that calms my worries
Your eyes draw my fears into regression
and thwart the pain so I’m at ease
With all these thoughts comes a confession

You’ll never know how you save me
Afraid that I’m not good enough for you
I’ll stand at a distance and watch you shine
Perfection in its purest essence, just not worthy
Of even your presence

My heart gets the best of me sometimes,
But this time I’ll learn my lesson from the past
You’ll stay a friend by the fate that I decided
I’d rather keep you around to give me some hope
That there is difference in the mass

Maybe you might feel the same
I’d rather the truth be a mystery
I’m tired of my heart being torn again and again
We could be perfect for each other,
Yet I fear a repeat of history

You’ll never know how you save me
Afraid that I’m not good enough for you
I’ll stand at a distance and watch you shine
Perfection in its purest essence, just not worthy
Of even your presence

Maybe one day you’ll see
look in my eyes and i'll show you
what you mean to me
I wont spell it for you
It’s up to you to figure it out

You’ll never know how you save me
Afraid that I’m not good enough for you
I’ll stand at a distance and watch you shine
Perfection in its purest essence, just not worthy
Of even your presence.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

thank you.

CHRIS: well i'll give you one final thought
CHRIS: you're seriously the most genuine person I've ever met. You'd go out of your way to make anyone happy. so the fact that anyone would ever want to hurt you is just insane. I was looking at your myspace last night(oddly enough) and I kept thinking, man I feel like i don't even know this girl anymore, but then I started thinking about ocean city and all the cool times we spent laughing together and complaining together and it's just cool to know that I know someone like you
CHRIS: your the kind of person that is hard to put into words, and even if I never see you again, i'll be like 80 and go remember rachelk....she was crazy....but in the coolest way possible

i wrote this once.

"it gets better. it still hurts sometimes, but not as much as it ever did before. each time it hurts a little less. but i feel like the pain is good, its good to see them happier without you, because it hurts you enough to keep you going. it hurts less and less each time. slowly you forget how it felt to be happy with them, you create new memories that no longer involve them. the hole you feel slowly heals itself, not as it once was -- but better, stronger even. no matter how horribly bad anything hurts, you will not hurt forever. life finds a way to make you happy again.

so this is the new year, and i welcome it with open arms.

i write this while snuggled in maxes bed in arizona with beautiful weather and great company.

i am now 21, a legal adult and i start the interior design program this semester.

it gets better."

It makes me happy.

Also makes me long for Arizona.


"I want to feel something real. I want to be intoxicated by someone’s very presence. I want the butterflies and mixed feelings. I want confusion. I want the mood swings. I just want to feel."

(via: kissez.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

oh yaknow, just lovin' love.

"Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with and love shouldn't be one of them."

— Tiffanie DeBartolo

Monday, May 18, 2009

The following piece is by Richard Lederer, who has written many amusing articles and books on the English language.

Let’s face it — English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another.

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

the things i'll never know.

is your life glamourous? does it fulfill you? how long until you hit rock bottom? where do you go? who do you see? are you happy? what made you act that way? can you sleep at night? does your mother know? does anyone confront you? do you lie to yourself? do you ever have deep belly laughs? do you cry? do you feel? do you have it in you to love? have you ever been okay? do you like the attention? do you crave a hug? do you need anyone, or anything? do you smile every day? do you look into the mirror and hate what you see? do you have compassion? how old are your favourite pair of jeans? do you like brocolli? why do you only eat your meat well done? where do you work? do you long for a companion? do you like the way you style your hair? have you had a mustache since you could grow one? do you enjoy confrontation? have you met someone stronger than you? do you resent me? do you know that you’re ill? when will you die? do you remember when i used to do your hair? do you still lie on the couch and play Doom or Duke Nukem? do you bruise easily? how many more emotional scars do you have than physical? why don’t you like Indian food? do you remember the songs you used to sing to me? do you remember eating all of my halloween candy? do you still leave your socks lying around the family room? do you have a family room? do you actually love animals? do you believe your lies? why didn’t you come to my play? when you were a child, did you think you were invincible? why has Boston always been your favourite team in anything? why did you give up on your dream of playing in the NHL? why do you say what you do? did you like spending time away from your home? do you remember the things that you have done? do you remember last week? what is the current street price of oxy? why do we both like music to be really loud? did you ever like me? did you ever love me?

Thursday, May 14, 2009

10 simple ways to save yourself from messing up your life.

  1. Stop taking so much notice of how you feel. How you feel is how you feel. It’ll pass soon. What you’re thinking is what you’re thinking. It’ll go too. Tell yourself that whatever you feel, you feel; whatever you think, you think. Since you can’t stop yourself thinking, or prevent emotions from arising in your mind, it makes no sense to be proud or ashamed of either. You didn’t cause them. Only your actions are directly under your control. They’re the only proper cause of pleasure or shame.
  2. Let go of worrying. It often makes things worse. The more you think about something bad, the more likely it is to happen. When you’re hair-trigger primed to notice the first sign of trouble, you’ll surely find something close enough to convince yourself it’s come.
  3. Ease up on the internal life commentary. If you want to be happy, stop telling yourself you’re miserable. People are always telling themselves how they feel, what they’re thinking, what others feel about them, what this or that event really means. Most of it’s imagination. The rest is equal parts lies and misunderstandings. You have only the most limited understanding of what others feel about you. Usually they’re no better informed on the subject; and they care about it far less than you do. You have no way of knowing what this or that event really means. Whatever you tell yourself will be make-believe.
  4. Take no notice of your inner critic. Judging yourself is pointless. Judging others is half-witted. Whatever you achieve, someone else will always do better. However bad you are, others are worse. Since you can tell neither what’s best nor what’s worst, how can you place yourself correctly between them? Judging others is foolish since you cannot know all the facts, cannot create a reliable or objective scale, have no means of knowing whether your criteria match anyone else’s, and cannot have more than a limited and extremely partial view of the other person. Who cares about your opinion anyway?
  5. Give up on feeling guilty. Guilt changes nothing. It may make you feel you’re accepting responsibility, but it can’t produce anything new in your life. If you feel guilty about something you’ve done, either do something to put it right or accept you screwed up and try not to do so again. Then let it go. If you’re feeling guilty about what someone else did, see a psychiatrist. That’s insane.
  6. Stop being concerned what the rest of the world says about you. Nasty people can’t make you mad. Nice people can’t make you happy. Events or people are simply events or people. They can’t make you anything. You have to do that for yourself. Whatever emotions arise in you as a result of external events, they’re powerless until you pick them up and decide to act on them. Besides, most people are far too busy thinking about themselves (and worry what you are are thinking and saying about them) to be concerned about you.
  7. Stop keeping score. Numbers are just numbers. They don’t have mystical powers. Because something is expressed as a number, a ratio or any other numerical pattern doesn’t mean it’s true. Plenty of lovingly calculated business indicators are irrelevant, gibberish, nonsensical, or just plain wrong. If you don’t understand it, or it’s telling you something bizarre, ignore it. There’s nothing scientific about relying on false data. Nor anything useful about charting your life by numbers that were silly in the first place.
  8. Don’t be concerned that your life and career aren’t working out the way you planned. The closer you stick to any plan, the quicker you’ll go wrong. The world changes constantly. However carefully you analyzed the situation when you made the plan, if it’s more than a few days old, things will already be different. After a month, they’ll be very different. After a year, virtually nothing will be the same as it was when you started. Planning is only useful as a discipline to force people to think carefully about what they know and what they don’t. Once you start, throw the plan away and keep your eyes on reality.
  9. Don’t let others use you to avoid being responsible for their own decisions. To hold yourself responsible for someone else’s success and happiness demeans them and proves you’ve lost the plot. It’s their life. They have to live it. You can’t do it for them; nor can you stop them from messing it up if they’re determined to do so. The job of a supervisor is to help and supervise. Only control-freaks and some others with a less serious mental disability fail to understand this.
  10. Don’t worry about about your personality. You don’t really have one. Personality, like ego, is a concept invented by your mind. It doesn’t exist in the real world. Personality is a word for the general impression that you give through your words and actions. If your personality isn’t likeable today, don’t worry. You can always change it, so long as you allow yourself to do so. What fixes someone’s personality in one place is a determined effort on their part—usually through continually telling themselves they’re this or that kind of person and acting on what they say. If you don’t like the way you are, make yourself different. You’re the only person who’s standing in your way.

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a
Self-Improving Extroverted De-Clutterer